Axel has been gone for two months. Sometimes it feels like I haven’t seen him in years and other times it is so fresh I can still feel his hugs and smell him. I was thinking about the past two years and decided to share some of it here. Axel’s first week was rough. My O blood mixed with his A blood sometime during the birth process and since O blood makes anti-A antibodies they were attacking him. The doctors and nurses caught it in time so he was spared a total blood transfusion but he had to stay under these lights for 7 days.
We’ve been going through more cards and deposit slips from the bank for the non-profit we are setting up in Axel’s honor. We’re going to post more about that soon as we are making progress and have a name…Axel Project. I’m in awe of the support and love from so many people and businesses. So often what we see on the news is negative and would leave you to believe that people, especially Americans, are cold, uncaring and selfish. But they are not. First, let me say that I’m not always the ‘best’ friend or family member when it comes to keeping in touch. I
Axel left us a month ago. It feels like the longest month of my life but I am inspired everyday by the love of thoughtfulness that surrounds us. I received an email today from the parents of two young children that were murdered in NYC last year about how they go on. “…was the most painful and alienating and isolating experiences imaginable, we’ve also learned that there are many good people out there to support us.” It would be easy (and understandable) for people to shy away or avoid us but we have found the opposite…there are many wonderful people out there willing to give
“It is not possible for feelings to kill, no matter how bad they are. Like it or not, you are living through this. You still have your competence and skills. Using them is better than doing nothing. The hours are going to pass anyway; you can sit and watch them, or you can occupy them.” I like this advice. While it’s hard at times, I find that an idle mind and body are not good things to have right now. We needed to pick up our camper, bikes and some other things in Phoenix so we decided to make a short trip out of it
First let me say that I am not 100% comforted by anything I read or hear yet. Nothing makes sense of this; I’m still in a fog with moments of a new “normal” appearing throughout each day. But it helps to read, write and try to get some understanding. I came across this passage from Thich Nhat Hanh, a famous Zen Buddhist monk that wrote about death. “When we lose someone we love, we should remember that the person has not become nothing. “Something” cannot become “nothing,” and “nothing” cannot become “something.” Because matter cannot be destroyed–it can become energy. And energy can become matter,
On March 12, 2013 we all came together to celebrate Axel’s life. We could not have asked for a more beautiful, thoughtful and loving ceremony. My husband, truly my hero and the bravest person I know, was able to say these words about our sweet boy. Hello Friends…thank you all for coming tonight to help us remember and celebrate Axel’s life…a life that was cut way to short…but also a life that was full of happiness…and of love. Axel had such wonderful life and energy…he loved everything…and…he always had a smile. Except when we told him NO…well…he didn’t like that at all! Some of my