I find myself facing writer’s block when it comes to Velo Mom…so many things I want to say but all twirling around in my head and sometimes I can’t figure out what should come out. I want to be graceful, truthful and inspiring. But sometimes I feel downright angry, hurt, sad.
Being graceful, truthful and inspiring is hard. And focusing on the negative is not whom I want to be. So I stay quiet.
A kind of outsider to the world of mom blogs, or women’s cycling focused on ‘getting more women’ on bikes.
Sure we are out there living each day to the fullest because we understand that we don’t know when our time is up. It’s easy to post these moments on Facebook or Twitter in 140 characters or less. Biking, traveling, laughing, exploring, homeschooling, finding new paths for work. But that only tells part of the picture. I love this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
We focus on creating new memories, authentic and joyful moments because they help drive out the anger and darkness. But the anger and darkness is still there – everyday. Life these days is a yin-yang; the darkness complimenting the light. An exploration in trying to find what is real…often from the seat of a bike.
So when we go on a trip to Aspen to go biking for a few days it’s easy to tweet or instagram great pictures of the roads we are enjoying, the anniversary dinner at our favorite Sushi restaurant, or the beautiful Maroon Bells. That’s all real; we have a lot of happy moments. But to sit down and write a post just about biking and camping in Aspen doesn’t seem right. There is more to that story; but do I want to share, and do you want to read.
Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms you would never see the true beauty of their carvings. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The filmmaker in the new documentary After the End said it best. That the world is full of people dealing with loss. While there are millions dealing with the loss of someone they love there are also millions more dealing with other loss. Divorce, job loss, financial loss, loss of their health, loss of their true spirit. And it’s probably a conversation worth having.
How to live an authentic and full life even in the face of darkness.
So back to Aspen. On Saturday Kalden made a simple statement (that he makes a lot) and it punches us in the gut every time. “I wish Axel was here to play with me.” A simple and truthful statement that reminds us the worst is not over. Axel was just starting to be at an age where he could play (and bug) Kalden. The older Kalden gets the more he’ll miss that connection he could have been having with Axel. The Yin.
Then that afternoon we had an amazing road ride up Maroon Bells road. Kalden was having a blast and there were a lot of ‘targets’ to pass as we did the 8 mile climb from the Aspen Rec center. When we got to the top a man said “There he is, my hero!” He told us how they saw him out riding the day before and then today as he was passionately climbing to the top. Kalden appears to shrug off the many compliments and encouragement he gets but trust me it matters. It matters to me that people are so kind and will go out of their way to show interest and I know it matters to him.
And then on the descent he sees his hero, Tejay van Garderen. For three days he had been wearing his BMC kit in hopes of Tejay being in town. Tejay caught Kalden out of the corner of his eye and gave Kalden a huge hoot and hands up encouragement. The Yang.
Through darkness comes light.